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OOPS I did it again….

April 16, 2011

And I ain’t talking like Britney.

I went and read Cancer kid blogs, caringbridge and websites. I wish could blame it on someone else, but it was me clicking the links. Those of you who’ve been with me since the beginning know that I’ve followed some kids through their treatments, but in October/ NOvember of 2009, I sort of stopped.  I had too. It hurts too much to read about what the other parents have to go through.  That was about the time that a whole bunch of kids died. Jaymun, Tyler, Sammie…..And it was 30 years after my husband’s brother died from rhabdomyosarcoma.

One girl, Ellie, also had rhabdo.  Her parents miss her I’m sure. Funny thing about the children,  they continue to smile. Reading about all of these kids also makes me grateful for their stories. Especially when I think of my mother-in-law in 1979 losing her youngest son to this disease. We now have blogs and forums and websites with lots of information.  My in-laws had none of that. They had to make their own way.  Even though I feel nauseous when I read about the other families tragedies, what would it have been like to have no one, or so few that it felt like no one to talk about what a huge, huge, HUGE THING it is when your child dies. Thank God for the internet and the connections I’ve made.  Having the other parents comment, make jokes, commiserate makes it so much easier.

When the docs told us that they thought Isa had relapsed, the first person I contacted was Quinn’s mama! Who else could I talk to about bone marrows, and platelets and feeling sick in the bottom of my stomach. Who else!

We’re coming to another big transition, off treatment, and as good as that sounds it comes with a whole bunch of other  stuff. Long term effects, more hospital visits, heart damage, port removal, etc.  I’ve kept up with cancer families and all of them have this post.  This one that I am writing.

The holy cows of India batman we’re almost through this thing. Where is that other shoe? Is it gonna be with some more cancer, some late cognitive effects, infertility or maybe, just maybe there won’t be another shoe.

But, as Money has said, “It ain’t over till it’s over, and that ain’t the outcome we want.”

Thanks to all the children who had leukemia and participated in studies that helped us reach the treatment protocols. Honestly, we couldn’t have done it without you!

8 Comments leave one →
  1. Amy permalink
    April 25, 2011 9:10 am

    Unlike so many of your other readers, I do not have a child battling cancer. Even though you are walling down a path that is foreign to me, I cannot stop myself from visiting your blog, week after week, to see how your sweet Isa is doing. I think it’s because I’m a mom. I hear of another precious child suffering and my mama’s heart aches.

    I am praying that as this chapter really does mark the end of your journey and that Isa is blessed with a long, healthy and beautiful life.

  2. April 19, 2011 2:27 pm

    No idea why my Gems blog was linked….but the message is the same…
    katy x

  3. Gems and Rhinestones permalink
    April 19, 2011 2:25 pm

    Isa is a fighter and so are you. I have made the mistake of reading too much…not being ale to control the sobbing as I read about the things children and their families have had to endure…too much, not fair, cancer sucks! But, I also came to realize how much strength there is out there, and how much we can cope with….(some days that goes out of the window) but in general, I know we can fight this cancer. I think my family’s experience has been less traumatic than some….I am deeply aware of how lucky we have been so far.
    We will keep moving forward, taking a day at a time, and loving our children with every inch of our being.
    Big hugs to you all,
    Katy x

    • April 19, 2011 10:51 pm

      So glad that I am not the only one. Just so amazing what some people can go through, and still have energy.

  4. Ann Brown permalink
    April 17, 2011 4:29 pm

    It’s hard not to get attached to all the children and fellow cancer parents journeying along with us. Which does bring much heartache. But I wouldn’t want to go through this journey any other way. After all, who else “gets” it? And whom else can they rely on to “get” it, if not us?

    I’ve been trying to formulate a CB update, but haven’t had the heart recently. Too much bad news going down in the pediatric cancer world I’ve come to inhabit. Perhaps tonight? (or perhaps not). And I’m trying to learn not to compare Elke’s progress with any other child’s. That’s when I get depressed. But then, if I can just keep my blinders on and look at how far she’s come, that’s what keeps me going. Who knows what the future holds? All I can tell you is that, OT, she’s getting stronger every day. Go figure. You stop pumping your child full of toxins and they feel better….

  5. martha williams permalink
    April 17, 2011 11:24 am

    Life is a journey. We are what this journey presents to us and how we adjust. I am so thankful that little Isa has battled this far and is such a beautiful child. What lies ahead is always a mystery. Just stay on the road and thank God for each new day. Like G told us – he thinks Isa has a very big and faithful guardian angel. It is the angels that help us through the challenges. Blessings to all of Isa’s family.

    • April 18, 2011 2:02 am

      Thanks for weighing in on this post! If you made it through all that you have, then I know I can make it through this little bit.

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