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Day 3, Brudder’s Post

July 4, 2009

I’ve turned over the blog to Brudder, who has spent 10 hours today diligently working on this. He’s been forced to examine his  feelings as he discovered his voice. This post makes Papa & Mama  proud.

The first day I went to the hospital I had no idea what to expect. I thought that Isa was doing fine, other than losing her hair. When I first walked in I thought, ”Oh, this is gonna be a piece of cake.” I thought we would be in and out quickly. I truly believed we were going to be there less than an hour! At the hospital, I had no responsibility to take care of anything. I only needed to bring my own stuff to do, like my book and DS. When all five of us were in the small patient room I just read my book and waited for a nurse to come give Isa her medicine. Every room looked exactly the same, with three chairs and one table.

I felt selfish and confused. Selfish because I was thinking of what we were going to do after the appointment. Also it wasn’t my medicine to take and I was sure glad about that. Confused because I didn’t know what the building was going to look like or if Isa was going to be in pain, or if the medicine was good or bad. Because I didn’t have a personal experience. While Isa was getting a lumbar puncture. We went down stairs to get something to eat from McDonalds. As we sat down I realized how dirty it was. It didn’t look dirty, but I could tell it was. I wasn’t touching anything. GERMS! There were sick kids everywhere. I saw a boy in a wheelchair who couldn’t hold his head up , a kid with a helmet, a teenager in a blue gown pulling an IV pole, a baby in a machine being wheeled through the hallway and Emma. It was horrifying and sad at the same time.

The girl named Emma came into the room to give Isa and G. each a stuffed animal. She had been giving the children at the clinic toys. She was a skinny girl maybe seven years old. She had no hair and moved very slowly. To me it looked like she was in a lot of pain. Mama said she just looked like a girl getting chemo. When she walked she shuffled. Her arms were shaky as well. She reminded me of a zombie. On her head underneath her skin she had a circle not much bigger than a quarter that was raised up about a finger’s width from her skull. I felt really bad for her and became really thankful for what I had. I felt hurt seeing such a sweet person in that condition.

When we got back, Isa was drowsy but fine. It was a shocking and scary experience. I walked to the corner and plopped on a chair. I didn’t want to do anything wrong so I just read my magazine. I felt really bad for Mama, Papa, G & Isa for having to do this every week. : ( It was also the vibe, it was so negative. That is when it hit me. Isa was one of the sick kids.

Finally, I got the main idea and a better understanding of what happened in the hospital.

Wow was I wrong!  The hospital is not fast. Now when Papa tells me over the phone that he spent the day at the hospital I will understand how he feels.

It’s sad to know Isa has cancer. When I look at her with droopy eyes and no hair. It feels like I don’t know her. I also imagine what she would have become if cancer hadn’t happened. But I keep convincing myself that she is still the same sweet little girl I know. Playing and talking with her , seeing the warm smile and the twinkle in her eye confirm that she is still my sister.

It does not matter what is on the outside, but what is on the inside that makes you, you.

19 Comments leave one →
  1. July 12, 2009 8:02 pm

    I am so impressed by Brudder’s writing skills! Fantastic job!

  2. July 9, 2009 5:40 pm

    Wow. I got all goosebumplie. Brudder, you are one amazing guy. I’ll have my 10 year old come read and leave a comment too.

  3. mrsfinn permalink
    July 7, 2009 6:24 pm

    wow- what an amazing post.

    July 6, 2009 6:19 pm

    WOW — This is just amazing writing. I can’t wait to have my 12 year old Lily and 10 year old Mario read this! This was a great, great idea and well worth the effort on many levels! Writing is ALWAYS best when it comes straight from the heart! This one fits the bill to a T!

  5. Kathi Nelson Sawyer permalink
    July 6, 2009 8:13 am

    What an awesome writer at age 11! I asked my 11 year old son to read this and after he finished all he could say was, “Wow!” Your openess and honesty has touched more people than you will probably ever realize. Keep writing and know that your family continues to be in our thoughts and prayers.

  6. July 5, 2009 10:12 pm

    What I admire most about this blog post is your courage, honesty, and empathy. Thank you for that, and for being a model for adults who maybe don’t have as much courage as you do, who are afraid when their loved ones are sick, who don’t know how to act or what to say. I love the ending, how you can still see that she’s your sister by the twinkle in her eye. I pray that the treatments will be very successful and that Isa will get well soon.

  7. ashley permalink
    July 5, 2009 7:39 pm

    Thanks for sharing. Isa and your family is in our prayers each and every day. Thank you for your insight – so very well written and from the heart. ashley

  8. July 5, 2009 5:22 pm

    What a wonderful post. It’s great to be able to tell what you’re feeling as a big brother. Great jbo!

  9. grandpa and grandma permalink
    July 5, 2009 4:30 pm

    You know we think you are special. Thank you for being such a fine big brother. love you, Grandma and Grandpa

  10. Merrick Bartlett permalink
    July 5, 2009 2:20 pm

    This is probably one of the most poignant (look it up) blogs I’ve read. Thank you. You’ve written straight from your honest point of view. It did bring tears to my eyes, and please know that you and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers. You are continually raised up.

    Perhaps this is the first time you’ve really had to write things out to this degree. As well as you have here been able to put things down on paper into words, may I suggest you keep a journal of your own? Write like this. Often and a lot. You will be very thankful in the years to come..if not even in the days and weeks to come.

    Keep the wonderful love you have for your family flowing. You are a wonderful person.

    • July 5, 2009 3:11 pm

      Thanks M. He has been so excited to get comments. I just wish everyone could see all the work he put into this! Funny, I had the journal thought too. He’s got some great original images.

      • Merrick (Horton) Bartlett permalink
        July 5, 2009 5:14 pm

        had my niece read this..she was sure that you and papa had helped him. I said, no…they had him do it all on his own.

        Seems to me like this young man is a wonderful big brother and will now only grow to be an even better, more compassionate one AND this whole experience affect his life in ways he may never know.

        Thank you again young man for your words. Please do this again.

        • July 5, 2009 7:28 pm

          Your neice was right! He started working on it the day before. I edited it for him. Then I helped him for 10 hours yesterday.

          There would be no way for him to wade through the emotions of this situation without a grown up. The words/thoughts are his, but we discussed the situations and how to best describe them.

          This is the third writing exercise he’s had this summer. Each one keeps getting bigger. My thought was that he would work harder if other people were going to read it. And I was write. He stayed focused and worked worked worked.

          We went through all the steps of how to organize a paper. Word web, outline, pre-writing exercises, deciding what to keep and what to get rid off, working on a deadline, word choice, sentence structure, how to edit the paper himself (with pen & paper) the whole bit. We had a fabulous time working on it together. I can’t wait to see his papers from school this fall!

  11. Kelly permalink
    July 5, 2009 8:29 am

    Wow, how impressive that he wrote that…. What a great kid he is!! 🙂

    Thinking of you all!!


  12. cheflucien permalink
    July 5, 2009 8:26 am

    Brudder here.

    Thank you for your comments, I appreciate the prayers.

  13. ALT permalink
    July 5, 2009 1:00 am

    Wonderfully written. What you are going through is life changing for everyone involved. Stay strong, learn, listen, watch, feel, and love. Hope to read more of your posts, H.

  14. Janice permalink
    July 4, 2009 11:49 pm

    Wow. You are an amazing young man. Isa is so lucky to have you for a brother. You have written a sweet, and wonderful, and thoughtful post. As your writing circulates around the internet you will serve as an inspiration to others, young and old. May angels surround you, Isa, and your whole family in healing and comforting light and love. My warm thoughts and prayers go out to you all. May God bless you always, love. ❤ ❤ ❤


  15. July 4, 2009 10:36 pm

    Beautifully written…you’re 11 and its natural for an eleven year old to think about what they are doing next. When someone in your family is diagnosed with leukemia, it not only takes a toll on that person but everyone else that lives with that person. Your lives are forever changed. Just remember to tell everyone you love that you love them. When I pray for your sister, I also pray for the rest of your family that God gives you all strength and courage to fight this evil demon.

  16. Mom permalink
    July 4, 2009 9:59 pm

    That was an absolutely wonderful blog. You did so well. You keep doing this kind of writing and you will be the editor of Newsweek or maybe Time Magazine. Good job!

    We love you,
    Gran & Pappy

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